Yesterday I remembered what it’s like to love, to really love. A warm blanket wrapped around me when I’m cold. A cup of coffee before the dawn rises. The sound of an acoustic guitar. A baby’s toothless smile. Melting into sunlight. A hot bath. A salty breeze. The feeling that everything else can wait.
Yesterday I also woke up feeling a bit run down. And if I’m being honest, I was feeling pretty PMS-y (is that even a word)?? I had this plan to get lots of work done. I set out to bake gluten-free chocolate chip cookies from scratch. The kids were at school so I didn’t have an excuse. There was work to be done.
But my body and mind were begging for a break.
I’m not above pushing myself past my limits. I can run ragged for weeks, even if I’m dog tired. You should’ve heard the battle going on between my body and mind.
Rest. No. Work. Rest. No. Work.
I’m the perfectionist Virgo who is wildly productive. The downside of going hard all the time is that I don’t know when to stop. Yet, somehow, I found a way to surrender.
I stepped away from the mixing bowl, curled up on the couch and closed my eyes. In that moment, between being awake and asleep, is when I let go. My whole body filled with warmth and I whispered, “Thank you.” Then drifted off to sleep.
When I woke from the nap, I didn’t start working right away. Instead, I sat up slow and stared out my window. I got tears in my eyes (happy ones), because I remembered . . . I remembered the way love makes you feel. Love changes the way you see things. Love helps you walk with ease. Love abounds in grace.
Yesterday, I remembered to love myself.
Letting myself off the hook, being that one person who says, “It’s okay to relax,” felt good. So yeah, I basically turned into a great big pile of mush. And I have more mushball stories. I may even open the Mushball Vault and write Part 2.
Like the time I cried my eyes out watching a gum commercial.
If you feel like a mushball now, feel free to share your sappy story in the comment section.